Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
