you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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