This is not my ceiling
i just had sex bonerless
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
