I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
