Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
