Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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