Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
