hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
