just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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