but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
