I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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