Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
