Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
