On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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