HIV tests are more positive than that guy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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