You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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