it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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