Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
