Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
