atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
