I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
