I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
