i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
MIDGETS
????
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
