4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
