last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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