After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish i was in the wii world.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
