Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
