Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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