i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
