My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
