in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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