All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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