i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
