I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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