Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
