i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
