The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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