I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
