You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
