Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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