do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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