I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
