did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im drinking this country out of the recession.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
