So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
