He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
