I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
