remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
