we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
