69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
