This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
