Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
