shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
