every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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