CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
