Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
