Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
