I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
