Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
