I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
