I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
